Sometimes I wish
by Meme-Ann
Summary: I thought I'd give Russ angst a try. Just you're basic one chapter deal.


*I don't own the Mighty Ducks, they're Disney's Arizona Reynolds is mine.*  
  
Russ's POV  
  
Sometimes I wish I could go back to that night and do it all over again…  
  
The Ducks never really understood my friendship with Arizona Reynolds; to them she was the very embodiment of a spoiled rich girl. Tall and blonde, with a politician for a father and model for a mother, she had it all. She was wealthy and smart, she played tennis and road horseback. She was everything you thought and Eden Hall girl would be like. Inside though, she was different.  
  
The first day I met her, she'd been in the quad having a rather public break with Rick Riley's little brother Bryon. When she smacked him across the face I laughed out loud and she had smiled and blushed. We'd been pretty inseparable after that; in fact I'd even go, as far as to say Arizona was my best friend. Portman once said to me he'd never spend that much time with a girl that wasn't giving him any sex. Julie and Connie both punched him that day.  
  
Arizona was there for me when I was going through some tough times. My brother was killed in a drive by and it tore my parents apart. They got a divorce because of it, I was wrecked. I probably could've talked to the team about it, but I didn't want to. For some reason I felt more comfortable sharing the deep stuff with Ari, she was sensitive and understanding. The guys weren't so much.  
  
She was great; I loved being around her, which was hard because the Ducks wanted nothing to do with her. They didn't even want to get to know the wonderful person she was. The worst of it all is it was her big heart that caused me to lose her. The fact that she'd do anything for me cost her, her life.  
  
I was really messed up after my brother died and I just wanted to get away from it all for the night. I heard about this party that some of the upperclassmen were having and I knew I couldn't get in without her. Ari wasn't much of a party girl but with a bit of coaxing she agreed. I figured she would, she'd do just as much for me as I did for her.  
  
When I originally got there I stood like a wallflower, scarcely moving. After a few beers though, I started loosening up. Then this guy standing by the bathroom offered me one of these pills he had. He said the first one was free and after that I'd have to start paying him. I didn't plan on taking more then the one, so I agreed. Before I knew it I was having a blast, I felt so happy. I hadn't been happy in a long time.  
  
I was enjoying myself and dancing. I never thought I'd dance again. For the initial hour after taking whatever that guy gave me I was feeling something other then sad. I was relaxed, free and calm. I don't know why but for some reason, the next thing I know I've given him all the money in my pocket and had three more pills. I took the two and stuffed the last in my jeans for later.  
  
It wasn't too long before Arizona noticed there was something not quite right with me. Smiled and lifted the last little white capsule of sunshine out of my back pocket. Her face contorted as she ripped from my hand.  
  
"Jesus, Russ, do you know what this is?" She gasped clutching it to her chest.  
  
I grinned and nodded. "It's a happy pill, for the first in months, I feel good."  
  
"Tyler, this is E!"  
  
"I don't care if it's Q, it's mine, I like it, give it back."  
  
"How many of these have you taken?"  
  
"Uh, hrm, three I think. They weren't cheap though so gimme that."  
  
Ari must have seen the frantic need in my eyes. I wanted them back; I never realized I could get hooked on anything that quickly. Pivoting swiftly on her left foot, Arizona headed out the door into the parking lot. I chased her, chased her until she was out of breath and panting. Then I started to pull the baggy from her hand. She must have known I was stronger then her and she'd never be able to keep it from me. In last move of desperation she popped the last pill in her mouth.  
  
I glared at her angrily and slumped to the ground. How dare she take away the only tranquility I'd felt since my brother died? She had a lot of nerve. I walked away from that night so mad I never wanted to see her again. I got my wish, that was the last I saw her alive.  
  
I didn't leave the party when I heard the ambulance in the parking lot. I called Kenny to come pick me up so I wouldn't have to find Ari for a ride home. I left that night not knowing it would be the last time I'd get to talk to her.  
  
Arizona never mentioned to me that she had a heart problem. Sometimes I wonder now if she even knew. Would she have still taken the ecstasy if she'd known she wouldn't leave that party alive that night? All to keep me from hurting myself, to keep that last pill out of my body. She died to protect me.  
  
I remember when word got out around school that she died from E. One day in the locker room I over heard Charlie saying. "Spoiled little rich girl had it all but that wasn't enough. She had to spend daddy's money on drugs. If you ask me, she got what she deserved."  
  
They must not have realized I was there, standing on the other side of the lockers. I hope they would've been more kind if they'd known I was listening to bad mouth my best friend. I wanted so badly to wrap my hands around Charlie's neck and squeeze until his eyeballs popped out of head. Yet I couldn't because they didn't know the truth.  
  
I didn't tell anyone that she'd lost her life for me. I couldn't bring myself to admit that in a way I'd killed her. If the cops had found out I probably would've been arrested for manslaughter that would've destroyed what little strength my mother had left. So I was silent, never told the police, or Arizona's family even my friends. I've lived these past ten years with the guilt.  
  
Sometimes I wish I could go back to that night and do it all over again… 


End file.
